Its been a long time since i posted anything here. Actually its been over a year now. When i look back and think why i didn’t write at all for more than a year, i don’t have a solid answer except, after my father passed away in April last year, i went to some kind of depression state. It was seriously tough to not being able to see him even at his last moment. When i had reached home, baba was turned into ashes already. Although i ran away from Goa as fast as i could, i just couldn’t see him one more time and once reached home, there was this 13 days of frustrating after-death ritual, Once completed, i went to the river where my father was cremated.
there were few remaining wooden pieces which were used during cremation. I picked a piece, it was as if i was trying to find my father’s smell. My nephew, who was accompanying me to the river because, we (son) not supposed to walk around alone, pointed me towards a pile of ashes beside flowing water and said ‘that was the place, grandfather was….’
I touched my father’s grey ash and realized, i will never see him again. That was the very disturbing feeling i had that week. I couldn’t bid him proper goodbye. Regret will remain for life but again, as everyone else, i had to move on. I had to live the life. I had to make choices, so i did – Traveled to the United States, leaving my mother behind. Arrived in June last year and am here. Started a job, bought a car, rented an apartment and decided to finish my higher studies and joined university again.
I am back here. Not with a bang, just i am back 🙂 Will be writing once in a while. Stop by here sometimes and say ‘hello’
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